Somehow I just got a huge whiff of suntan lotion. Summer. Beach. Salty air.

It’s been over a year since I visited my home town. I haven’t felt much drive to go back other than to show Jake my childhood before it disappears. But right now, that smell, I want it more than anything. The comfort of my parents home. The security. The lack of stress and worry.

Being a grown up is rough. Being a grown up you’re not currently proud to be, it’s even tougher.

I need something good to come my way. I need a job and a direction. I need to shed this disgusting 20 pounds and feel pretty again.

The smell faded as quickly as it came. This is my cry to the universe. Throw me a bone.

and the weight is crushing down on my lungs

i know i can’t breathe

and hope

someone will save me this time

It constantly boggles my mind how people we once couldn’t imagine a life without so suddenly become a faded memory you roll your eyes at.

Clopen weekend.

Having a job blows. Having to be in bed alone and bored and lonely by 11pm (well shoulda been earlier) on a saturday night blows. Stupid 7am shift. Stupid stupid.

I can’t wait to have a 7:30am shift next week that is in a studio with a food photographer. Now that’s worth waking up for. 

Bleck. Feeling burnt out already. Not having a weekend sucks.

Rantrantrant. Bickerbickerbicker.

Money, you’re such a nuisance. 

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Day 3 of 30 Day Shred complete. And did a kettlebell workout. Getting back into shape and hopefully loosing up to 15 pounds is tiring. 

It’ll all be worth it. I can’t wait to feel pretty again.

My first photo assistant interview I went to I nailed and got the job.

My first part time cafe job interview I went to I nailed and got the job.

Not to get cocky or anything, but I’m starting to think I’m a really awesome person. 

It seriously blows my mind that this time one year ago I was still in a broken relationship that I was dying to get out of and passed out drunk in another boy’s arms. 

I don’t remember who that girl was. It feels like a life time ago. I’m so glad that neither of those assholes have any part in my life now. It was necessary to get to where I’m at, but god I’m glad that’s not me any more.

I wonder where I’ll be in another year. 

Time keeps on ticking by.

When you live in a city and rely on public transportation your perception of distance changes drastically. On a good day it takes me 40 mins to get to my boy’s apartment. On a bad (today) it takes over an hour.

If I were in Florida I could be in Tampa. If I had a car I’d be half way to see my sister, in a different state.

Blarg.

Lull away my frustration and bad day, Katy Perry. If anyone can do it it’s you.

I’ll eventually get there. Right?

I’m ready

for my job to start.

to have another part time job.

to move out of my apartment.

for these 10 extra pounds to come off.

for muscles again.

to plan our big day.

for babies (always derr).

to go on a camping trip.

for the lake to be warm enough to swim in.

to have long hair in a braid.

for Breaking Bad’s new season to start.

for girl’s night with my 3 biffs.

to see Jake tomorrow (even though I’ve only been without him for several hours).

to snuggle up with Mowgs in my bed after 2 days apart.

Goodnight moon.

Beautiful long lace dress. Bare feet. Rustic fancy. That’s what I’ll call the theme of my wedding someday.

Yup, my dreamy hopeless romantic self is just getting more gross every day.

Sorry not sorry.