This time last year I was wide awake, holding my phone all night dreading the text I was waiting for. I clung to my phone, to the words my cousins were telling me, to any sign of hope I could. But a year ago today, February 4th, my dear, sweet, beautiful grandma passed away. 

I remember it all like it was yesterday, yet it feels like ages ago. So much has changed and happened since then, yet I still remember that feeling. The waiting, the fear, the tears. And no matter how little or much time as passed, I still miss her more than words can begin to express. 

I miss you, grandma. I miss your joy, creativity, passion, hugs, smiles, comfort, cooking, flowers, cold hands and never ending love. But most of all, I miss the way you looked at me after not seeing me for months at a time. The pride and excitement. I miss walking into your home and feeling so at peace with the world and knowing how safe I was in your arms. You were an incredible woman and I know a great deal of the strength and drive inside of me comes from you.

For whatever its worth, for whatever it means, for wherever you are: watch over my mom, grandpa and family today. We need to feel your loving presence and not dwell on hopeless sadness. You were always a light of faith and hope and your memory continues to be.

I love you grandma. You’ll always be a part of me.

@3 months ago with 1 note